Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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