just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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