i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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