if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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