I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
