We're facebook friends in real life
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
