I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm like, not good at living.
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