Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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