whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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