Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
