he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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