Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
