I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
