Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
