So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
