i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
