every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
