there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
