I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
