too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
