Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
