If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think my vagina is haunted
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
