you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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