Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
