Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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