At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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