Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
