I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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