I wish I could teleport
i just had sex bonerless
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
