my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
