i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
