my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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