jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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