nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
