He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
