can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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