Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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