She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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