i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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