gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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