The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
