I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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