That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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