hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
