her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
