thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
