I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
