i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
