Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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