the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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