yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
