i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
