just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
