I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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