as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
