So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
