smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
