i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
