You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
