actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
