started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
