The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
