Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
