I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
