I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
