I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize