So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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