accomplished twins. life is a go
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
