So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
