I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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