You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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