mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
