Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
