I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she told me i tasted like america
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
