Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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