He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
