Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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