My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
