I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
