I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He has the fingertips of a God
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