if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
