Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
