There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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