broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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