I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
