Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
