you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
