waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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