I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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