my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
