I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
